Why I even paint to begin with...

 Well. As a new artist, or I guess I consider myself new...I am totally shocked to have won a contest.  I entered a contest on DailyPaintworks.com, I truly wanted to be a part of this art community and join in the camaraderie of  this thing that I love so much.  It is terrifying to put yourself out there like that!

Many of the artists there are total giants to me.  I have been following them for several years now on instagram and have been inspired when I felt low, lifted when I felt defeated and alive when I was dying inside. 

I have survived an awful lot of trauma.  That being said, I know that I am in good, and sadly, large company (or perhaps even a battalion haha).  

Its part of trauma that I go through periods where i feel the pointlessness of life so strongly that I have to fight to get the dishes done.  Its hard.  I see things in the world, the chaos and everything goes gray.   So when I am gray and cant look at anything, I scroll through just the art of these free people.  Boldy composing life- LITTERALLY saturating the grays with color  - striking back even-  with their own rendition of the chaos yet so orchestrated.  I really envy it.  And then I want to do it.   It lifts me right out of the hopelessness and I want to join them...joining in the cadence of beauty. Marching in anyways.  In them I reconnect to the vibrancy on life.  While painting, creating and focusing in on all the little minute details I take my eyes of the world and all of the chaos it is self imposing and offer up a little praise to God on the beauty that he installed all around us. My depression is gone and I am no longer in neglect of Gods beauty.  Reminded that around me is a world worth noticing after all.

Its super huge to be a part of that group of people that have pulled me out of the mire.  Im so grateful I got to join in and cannot believe that someone amongst them saw something in the work I created that they helped inspire.